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SIRIUS - Black As He's Painted?

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SIRIUS - Black As He's Painted?
Newspaper article information
Subheading

Nortorious Mass Murderer OR Innocent Singing Sentation?

Newspaper

The Quibbler

Date of publishing

Summer 1995

Accompanying photographs

A crude cartoon of Sirius Black, wand drawn, standing on a pile of human bones

Subject

Doris Purkiss's belief that Sirius Black was actually Stubby Boardman

"Harry finished reading and stared at the page in disbelief. Perhaps it was a joke, he thought, perhaps the magazine often printed spoof items."
—Harry Potter (unaware of The Quibbler's reputation) reacts to reading this article.[src]

SIRIUS - Black As He's Painted?, also called SIRIUS BLACK: Victim or Villian? on the magazine's front cover, was an article published in The Quibbler at some point during the summer of 1995. It presented "startling new evidence" that the man that the wizarding public believed to be Sirius Black was actually Stubby Boardman, lead singer of The Hobgoblins. This evidence was based on the testimony of Doris Purkiss, who recognized him based on his picture printed in the Daily Prophet. She claimed to have an alibi for his whereabouts on the night of 1 November, 1981, claiming she was enjoying a romantic dinner with Stubby. Though Sirius was, incidentally, innocent of his crimes, the rest of the article was false, like most of The Quibbler's content.[1]

Kingsley Shacklebolt ran across the issue of The Quibbler containing this article. Thinking Sirius would find it amusing, he covertly passed the magazine to Arthur Weasley at work to give to Sirius, under pretense of passing him information needed for a report on "flying Muggle vehicles".[2]

Later, while on the Hogwarts Express, Harry Potter met Luna Lovegood. Recognizing the issue of The Quibbler she was reading to be the same one containing this article, he took the opportunity to read it. Harry was at first confused, thinking perhaps it may have been a spoof article, until he skimmed through the rest of the magazine and discovered the other articles to be of similar quality.[1]

Like everything printed in The Quibbler, Luna Lovegood believed this article to be fact. When discussing Sirius Black prior to the battle of the Department of Mysteries, she assumed the collected group was talking about Stubby Boardman.[3]

Transcript

For fourteen years Sirius Black has been believed guilty of the mass murder of twelve innocent Muggles and one wizard. Black's audacious escape from Azkaban two years ago has led to the widest manhunt ever conducted by the Ministry of Magic. None of us have ever questioned that he deserves to be recaptured and handed back to the Dementors.

BUT DOES HE?

Startling new evidence has recently come to light that Sirius Black may not have committed the crimes for which he was sent to Azkaban. In fact, says Doris Purkiss, of 18 Acanthia Way, Little Norton, Black may not even have been present at the killings.

"What people don't realise is that Sirius Black is a false name," says Mrs. Purkiss "The man people believe to be Sirius Black is actually Stubby Boardman, lead singer of the popular singing group the Hobgoblins, who retired from public life after being struck in the ear by a turnip at a concert in Little Norton Church Hall nearly fifteen years ago. I recognised him the moment I saw his picture in the paper. Now, Stubby couldn't possibly have committed those crimes, because on the day in question he happened to be enjoying a romantic candlelit dinner with me. I have written to the Minister for Magic and am expecting him to give Stubby, alias Sirius, a full pardon any day now."

Appearances

Notes and references

  1. 1.0 1.1 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Chapter 10 (Luna Lovegood)
  2. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Chapter 7 (The Ministry of Magic)
  3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Chapter 32 (Out of the Fire)

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