This is the list of all known broadcasts of Potterwatch.
Back on the Airwaves
We apologise for our temporary absence from the airwaves, which is due to a number of house-calls in our area by those charming "Death Eaters". But now, we're back! So, let's move to news concerning the wizard who is proving just as elusive as Harry Potter. We'd like to refer to him as "Chief Death Eater". And here to give us his views on some of the more insane rumours circulating about him, I'd like to introduce our new correspondent, "Rodent"!
I'm not being Rodent! I told you, I want to be, "Rapier"!
Oh alright, "Rapier"! Could you tell our listeners the various stories you've heard about the Chief Death Eater?
Yes I can. As our listeners will know, unless they've taken refuge at the bottom of a garden pond, You-Know-Who's strategy of remaining in the shadows is creating a nice climate of panic! Mind you, if all alleged sightings of him are genuine, there must be nineteen You-Know-Whos running around!
Which suits him of course, the air of mystery creates more terror than actually showing himself.
Agreed. So people, let's try and calm it down a bit, things are bad enough without inventing stuff! For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill you with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners! One simple test: check whether the thing that's glaring at you has legs: if it has, it's safe to look. Although, if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do.
Well, thank you for that update, "Rodent"!
And don't forget to tune in again listeners, for more stories, tales, updates, and advice. In the meantime-
And support Harry Potter!
Yes, yes, that's true. Now, picking up the latest stories about You-Know-Who: we've heard rumours that he keeps being sighted abroad.
Well, who wouldn't want a nice little holiday after all the hard work he's been putting in?
True. But the point is people don't get lulled into a false sense of security, thinking he's out of the country: maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But the fact remains he can be faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.
I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but: safety first!
And what of the rumours about Harry Potter? Do you believe he's still in the country? Do you think he's still alive?
I do. If he had been killed, or had run away, the Death Eaters would want us to know: they'd tell everyone.
And what would you say to Harry, if you knew he was listening?
I'd tell him to keep it up, whatever he's doing. We know he'll help finish You-Know-Who!
Thank you very much for those wise words.
Listeners, that brings us to the end of another Potterwatch. We don't know when it'll be possible to broadcast again, but you can be sure: we shall be back!
Keep each other safe. Keep faith.
And do what you can to stop You-Know-Who!
Pals of Potter
We have heard within the last few hours, that Rubeus Hagrid, well known gamekeeper at Hogwarts School, has narrowly escaped arrestment in the grounds of Hogwarts, where he has rumoured to have hosted a Support Harry Potter Party, in his house!
However, Hagrid was not taken into custody, and is, we believe, on the run.
It would give you an edge. But, while we here at Potterwatch applaud Hagrid's spirit, we would urge against following Hagrid's lead. Support Harry Potter parties are unwise in the present climate.
Yes, for all those who haven't heard, the Ministry has licensed so called "Snatchers" to hunt down and bring in anyone who is deemed to be "Undesirable".
Well, that wouldn't be us then, would it? I mean, we've both had loads of girlfriends.
It must be those cute little cheeks and whiskers, Rodent.
That's right Tentacula!
So, to all those who find themselves being unjustly labelled "Undesirable", we here at Potterwatch salute you! And to all those people who really are Undesirable.
Your time, will come.
An Unsavoury Appointment
In our latest news for those out of touch and on the run, I bring some bad news for anyone interested in keeping things happy at Hogwarts!
Or anyone who likes to keep their hair clean.
Severus Snape has been appointed Headmaster of Hogwarts. We advise all students there to plan their responses carefully, as we have heard that "Slytherus Snape" has implored a number of Death Eaters to take care of discipline at the school!
Grim times, indeed. And it's not just Hogwarts that's suffering. The new wizarding order is also affecting the Muggle world...badly.
While Muggles remain ignorant of the source of their suffering, they continue to sustain, "heavy casualties".
However, we do hear some truly inspirational stories of wizards and witches risking their own safety to protect Muggle friends and neighbours. Often, without the Muggle's knowledge! I'd like to appeal to all our listeners to emulate their example, perhaps by casting a protective charm over any Muggles dwelling in your street. Many lives can be saved if such simple measures are taken!
And what would you say to those listeners who reply that in these dangerous times, it should be, "wizards first"?
I'd say that it's one short step from "wizards first", to "Pure-bloods first", and then to, Death Eaters. We're all human, aren't we? Every human life is worth the same, and is worth saving.
Excellently put. So, for all those who want Hogwarts-
free of Death Eaters-
and those who think Muggles should be protected,-
keep each other safe, keep faith, and help Harry Potter!
Yes! And we suggest that you continue to show your devotion to the man with the lightening scar by listening to...
A Moment's Silence
Greetings to all of our listeners. We start today's broadcast with some sad news. We regret to inform you that the remains of Bathilda Bagshot have been discovered in Godric's Hollow. The evidence is that despite sightings of her out walking in Godric's Hollow, Bathilda died several months ago. The Order of the Phoenix informs us that her body showed unmistakable signs of injury inflicted by Dark Magic.
There was also evidence of a recent battle in her home, and the building next door.
And, has the Wizarding Wireless Network News reported any of this? No.
The Wizarding Wireless "No News" Network.
Sadly, these aren't the only deaths that the News Network and Daily Prophet didn't think important enough to mention. It is with great regret that we inform our listeners of the murder of Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell. A goblin by the name of Gornuk was also killed. It is believed that Muggle-born Dean Thomas and a second goblin, both believed to be travelling with Tonks, Cresswell, and Gornuk, may have escaped. If Dean is listening, your parents and sisters are pretty desperate for news. We have to go off the air now, but as we do, we ask you to take a moment's silence, in memory of those who have fallen.
Thank you Rodent!
I told you, it's Rapier! I'd thought you've got the point by now. Point. Rapier. Sword... Geddit?
You said the "I" was sharp on Rapier! And we'd like our listeners to keep a sharp lookout for anyone behaving strangely or people covering your area that you don't recognise.
Many regular Potterwatch listeners will know that the Ministry's host up a mass break-out from Azkaban. Escapees include the infamous Death Eater Travers and Stan Shunpike, that you may have met on the Knight Bus.
Please be careful with Stan. We're sure he's under the influence of the Imperius Curse. He is helping the Death Eaters, but we believe this is against his will.
Even so, add him to your list of known Death Eaters and Death Eater-sympathisers:
The werewolf Fenrir Greyback
Rowle and Dolohov
And all the others.
Know your friends, but be on the lookout for any signs of the Imperius Curse or Polyjuice Potion.
And with that, good luck, stay safe and support Harry Potter!
The Dementor's Kiss
Be aware that the Ministry-
Which means You-Know-Who-
Are using Dementors to do their dirty work. So far, Dementors have been spotted bringing misery to the Ministry-
Gloom to Godric's Hollow-
And even horror to Hogsmeade!
As you'll know, the only true defence against a Dementor is a Patronus, so we recommend it that you keep practising casting "Expecto Patronum", so you're ready if the time comes.
Are you giving our listeners homework?
Better that than a Dementor's Kiss!
So, that's it for this special edition of Potterwatch. Look after yourself!
Keep a look-out for Snatchers!
Welcome to another-
Today we present-
Tips for survival. Tomorrow, for all those who left Hogwarts some time ago and may have forgotten-
Or just in case you fell asleep when Snape was going on, and on, and on-
One of our regulars will give you a reminder of how to make Polyjuice Potion. Not an immediate help, as it takes a long time to be ready, but it's useful stuff to have around if you need to change your appearance.
In the meantime, a word to the wise: All those choosing to head to the countryside for safety should be aware that we have had reports of some "dangerous concentrations" of magical creatures in remote places. One forest we've heard was said to contain a migrant Hungarian Horntail-
That's a dragon.-
No point escaping only to find your bed on fire!
Or yourself stuck in a web!
But if you do end up anywhere remote, keep an eye out for useful potion ingredients! But beware of patrols of Snatchers. You aren't paranoid, they are looking for you. Stay safe, keep your eyes peeled-
And support Harry Potter!
Just Your Luck!
Have you got a copy Rapier?
Of course! And I highly recommend it to all our listeners who need something to blow their nose on.
About the only use for it, by all accounts. Seriously people, do you really think Dumbledore would've done the things Skeeter is saying he did? No. So, later in the programme we'll give you some practical uses for Rita's book.
Such as wrapping things up, cleaning windows, propping doors, while helping start fires.
But in the meantime, here's Rapier with some more survival tips!
Look out for Felix Felicis!
Look out! Like it.
This fortunate little golden potion can turn any bad day good.
Good luck out there and remember: as long as you have a wireless, you're not alone!
While precise details remain unclear, we have heard that a number of Snatchers were stunned in the incident, and the sore matching description of Harry Potter was seen at the scene. We have one thing to say:
If it was you Harry, and you can hear this,
KEEP IT UP!
Yes, and as I will only make things even more dangerous, here is Rapier with some more survival tips.
Once more, it's time for us to pass on tips given to us by those out there and on the run. Today's tips:
See the Light! Carry some Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder with you.
Instant darkness! Any time! Anywhere!
Simply throw it where you want it to be dark and plunge opponents into an instant night-time, giving you the chance to get away!
Today's Tip Two:
Wands and Wanderers
Hello to all those on the run, in hiding, or staying and standing up to You-Know-Who!
This is your update on what's what.
Further news for those trying to get hold of a decent wand. Following the mysterious disappearance of Ollivander from Diagon Alley, news from abroad is that the famous wand-maker Gregorovitch has also vanished!
More names to add to the list of those disappearing. A list the Ministry seems to be doing nothing about!
That's not completely true. They are denying people are disappearing, heh, that's doing something!
So, to help you disappear from view before the authorities make you disappear, here are some more top tips.
If it looks dead, smells dead, but it's still moving, that's an Inferi! Run away!
Shifty look? Terrible clothes? Bad attitude? That's a Snatcher! Careful of them calling for reinforcements.
News today, the evidence of Muggle-borns and Undesirables is being collected at the Ministry and taken to a secure room. These items incriminate innocent Muggle-borns of nothing more than their parentage!
If this evidence was to disappear, then these Muggle-borns would be free. Wouldn't that be a bad thing?
Oh yeah! Terrible! Good luck out there!
We're here for you!
Behind the scenes
- The preceding broadcasts are transcribed from the broadcasts found in the video game adaptation of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1.
- The two individuals speaking in the broadcasts are Fred and George Weasley.